A little over a year ago, I met a man. He was eager and open to help me out with a charity work I was doing. Though I did not really ask for help, it was nice of him to offer help. Eagerness has quite a high status in my mind. So I accepted his offer, took some time to connect and get to know him better.
At first sight, I honestly did not like him much. Though as time went by, I discovered tiny bits of his personality traits that I really, really liked and there began my journey of falling in love with him more and more.
We met for talks quite often, with friends and without. He asked me to try teaching him guitar - he said I had succeeded, while nobody else ever could before. Took a trip with friends to the beautiful island I was born on in Estonia, had a lovely time. We also went to see movies together. One of the best ones we saw was the Fast & Furious movie.
We were both fans of driving, speed (risk in a way) & had high respect for quality in everything we do or give out.
Though things started boiling over when we got more and more close, my worries began to rise so that I could not hold them back anymore. It was probably because of the way I was expressing myself. That just possibly gave way for his worries to grow and we both ended up in total mistrust, anxiety, anger towards another.
It honestly got quite, quite bad. I got upset with him about his silence, him not responding, not being open to solve any matters or issues that were at hand, he made every possible attempt to block his connections with me. Blocked and unfriended me on social sites etc. Without ever responding to my simple question : What did I do or say that hurt him ?
When I once received some response from him, the response was something that I could not wrap my mind around and made me even more confused about what was going on. The details he told me lead my mind to start forming some various crazy stories as for the reason why he shut me out so bad.
Crazy stories started to take root in my head, like : What if he was working for some underground forces, needed to seduce a woman to be sold for human trafficking ? What if he was working for some kind of mafia and the reason he can not talk to me is that it would influence his work and they would kill me and him or smth.
I even saw a dream once where There was a group of people, coming to visit me to talk. They explained how they had tried and tried so hard to do what they were supposed to do. And in my unwavering curiosity I asked "Why?". They responded : "In order to kill you". And I was like : "Alright". "So how were you planning to do this ?". Believe it or not, but in this dream, I actually gave them advice about why they had not succeeded and recommended to not give up, ending the conversation with laughter.
Till then one day their boss came to visit me, first sending off a ninja girl to try to fight me. While I was messing around with trying to get rid of this girl, it all seemed like a game. When I was about to give up, just at the last minute, she fell to pieces as if she had been a fragile glass figure made from dark brown glass. I took the broom and shovel to clean up the pieces of glass from the floor. While my mind was wondering : "Was this really the best You could send me or what ? ".
While I was cleaning, their boss then knocked on my door and stepped in. We had a little chat, I offered him a tea. We were talking about the simple things in life till once a song popped to my head. A song I should have not really known - I very often improvise songs on the spot in real life. In this dream again, I started to sing out of the blue, making up my own song on the spot. It just helped me to stay calm and change the topic and free the mind from nonsensical worries. To my surprise, the boss started singing with me, while almost tearing up he said it was a song from his childhood. Now, I had absolutely no idea how that happened, I thought I had just improvised this song.
He later offered me a thank You gift, which I was very uncertain whether to accept or not. The dream ended possibly before my final decision, I do not remember much about it.
Haha, reminds me of an awesome movie I saw lately :
Now, with all my fear and mistrust and worry and doubt whether he was really feeling the same way I was, the situation took on a very strange and weird turn. Also, messing everything up dozen times more than it would have been if I had just known how to try to contact him more effectively right from the start. I still love him and miss him terribly, and wish I would have been able to solve it better that he would not feel offended or be so against of me trying to get in contact with him again. Last time, he sent a letter to a friend of mine who is also a friend of his, asking him to kindly ask me to stop writing to him or he would find a way to get police involved.
Apparently he has been quite upset, though I have not really understood why he would ask a friend to send a message to me, rather than telling it himself ?
If You do not wish to be on this kind of a boat I explained to You through my whole story, to be cautious and wise enough to never even set Your foot towards a boat like it, I highly encourage You to educate Yourself on the difference between the way men think and see things and the way women do. Even if You are not in a relationship, have never been and do not see anyone in Your future.
The truth is, we never know when we might pump into somebody whom we fall in love with. It can happen either today, yesterday or tomorrow. You might have even met this person already but simply do not know him so well yet, to be able to tell his potentiality. If we do not already know how to effectively communicate by the time we start communicating more, how to show respect, express ourselves in an honest, yet effective way in order to fulfill the needs of both, the result can turn out to something completely opposite than we could ever expect or wish for.
I spoiled my potentially amazing relationship,
I do not wish for You or anyone, to spoil theirs Ever !
You deserve eternal times better than this !
A song I wish You were singing about Your relationship :
Rather than a story that I just told You, or the song I started my blog post with.
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